Pat Taub
GUEST POST by TOM SANTULLI
On the sidewalk a rusted shopping cart overturns: cans and bottles spill, clattering along the pavement. A frazzled, disheveled older woman scurries to retrieve her day’s income. Cars race past, oblivious.
On the church nearby a multicolored banner proclaims, “STRONGER TOGETHER.” It too, oblivious.
Connection – the personal experience of yourself, of others, of the world around you – and community – public gatherings small and large, are unravelling. The weft and warp of society are fraying.
Nostalgically, I recall family dinners, meaningful time together with friends and when we relied on one another for support and help. “Would you watch the kids? I have to pick up Bob at the station. We can stop at the store if you need anything.” Today in my busy success-driven, accomplishment-oriented and surely inadvertently depersonalized life such moments are mirages.
Dinner party, 1980’s, when neighborly gatherings were more common
Parallelly, the occasional rally, No Kings, one example of many, brings thousands into a public space: a “pop up” community of well-intentioned yet evanescent solidarity. A few of us may linger, perhaps have coffee or even share a meal, but like the refurled banners such moments will gather dust. Life’s humdrum returns.
There are of course the exceptions: in Biddeford, Maine and Minneapolis thousands respond to, forcefully resist, the violence of Trump’s masked goon squad. People arise to combat the immediate horrors, just as Palestinians and now Iranians – there certainly are other examples – commit to shared humanity in the face of terror.
Sadly, bravery in the face of terror often becomes back page news.
What accounts for the fragmentation and unraveling of connection and of community? For fading interest, short attention spans, a seeming ennui? And for the loneliness and isolation now growing into epidemics?
Technology’s invasion, seduction, and subtle coercion promise us friendship and love and Facebook; being on FB is not being present, is not being meaningfully connected.
Responding to texts from the 5051 Movement and Indivisible (?invisible) about the next No Kings rally is not coming together in community.
And we all know that “logging off” won’t save us, our neighbors, our planet.
Solutions? There are no simple ones.
Today, July 21st , there is an external crisis of existential scope imperiling us, our greater community and world, and our democracy. The immediate and crucial response: organize and participate to win back just a bit in the midterm elections – 4 ½ months from now.
Yes, you may have to settle for less than perfect voting choices, but each of us has an obligation to be heard.
Still, to me at least, the challenge is ultimately a deeply personal one; in what follows I’ve borrowed heavily from a 2025 summary article1. addressing isolation.
First: know that attachment theory tells us we’re wired for secure, emotionally mature and attuned experiences, with self, with other, and with the external world.
Then in answer to the universal question, what can I do, three steps:
Practice Micro-Affiliation:
Offer a compliment, stop to listen, simply… tiny gestures that can build emotional safety.”
Look around you: young and old head phoned, or with glazed, screen-staring eyes. Worst of all, the self-inflicted polarization when we ‘don’t have time to listen to the other person.’
Reclaim a Third Place:
A social environment outside of home and work that fosters community… low-stakes, high frequency social touchpoints [are] proven to reduce loneliness and boost resilience. This isn’t networking. It’s community-building.”
Social clubs, places of worship, fishing trips, bridge clubs, teams and competitors alike coming together in friendly sport, now no longer offer that “third place.”
Being in the company of friends is community building
Or have we forgotten how to see them, how to join in?
Reset Your Nervous System:
Shared emotional presence is key to calming stress and rebuilding safety. Spend 10 minutes with someone, even without talking. Go for a walk. Sit nearby. You don’t have to fix anything…”
