Pat Taub
GUEST POST by FRANCESCA LYNN ARNOLDY*
My Death Journal is a gift for my beloveds that I have been lovingly creating for many years.
It’s meant for my end of life—whenever that occurs. My family members know of its purpose and where it lives. My Death Journal contains mementos, messages, song lyrics, poetry, quotes, wishes for care if and when needed, and more. My primary goal has been to pass along tidbits about myself and life history so my loved ones can have continued access to me, even in my absence. I hope they’ll sense my essence on each page when they miss me the most.
One of my ongoing entries has been my “Happiness Is” list.
When I revisit this particular section, I see evidence of numerous additions. There are different inks, and my handwriting varies as well. Some of the initial entries are large as though I never imagined filling the entire page. More recent additions are smaller, squeezed in next to others as space is now quite limited. My aim is to share what makes my heart beam in hopes that when reading it, they might smile in response.
Happiness Is…
You might find meaning in drafting your own “Happiness Is” list. As you begin this reflective exercise, first ask yourself: What does happiness mean to me? What does it feel like? Is it deep satisfaction? Uplifting joy? Is it a blend of many sensations?
Happy memories often are times recalled with close friends
However you have defined happiness, allow yourself a stroll down memory lane to recall as many moments of it as possible.
Where do you find yourself in these memories associated with pure happiness? Are you dancing to live music? Is there a purring cat snuggling in your lap? Is happiness a big bowl of salad with homegrown vegetables? Is it skiing in fresh powder, swimming in a clear lake, or some other kind of physical activity? Is happiness time spent with certain friends or family members? Is it time spent alone? Jot down your list of happiness sources. Your entries can be brief or lengthy or a combination of the two.
Time with grandkids often evoke happy memories
Reflections
Are you smiling or chuckling as you reminisce about happy times? Are your eyes welling up with tears? Are there common themes present within your list, like connection, nurturance, or quiet solitude? Are there more planned events or seemingly random ones? Have there been certain seasons of your life flush with happiness? The answers you have written in your list will likely have positive associations with enjoyable times. Take time to relish and bask in these memories.
Woman in a reflective mode
Contemplating happiness brings us closer to our core. As children, we tend not to filter bliss. We express it without a second thought. As we age, we often become more reserved. Have you stopped to wonder why? Of course, not every setting will be an appropriate one to launch into a happy dance, yet are we allowing ourselves the opportunity at all? Anywhere? At any point?
Can you extend an invitation to yourself to celebrate delight without reserve? Now that you have spent time compiling happiness into list form, you might notice and welcome even more doses of joy in the days to come. You now have a heightened level of awareness. You might also find yourself seeking out opportunities that promote happiness.
Ask yourself, “How might you invite and integrate enjoyment more often?”
Alice Walker, the writer, demonstrates how small moments offer joy
*Excerpted from: The Death Doula’s Guide to Living Fully and Dying Prepared, by Francesca Lynn Arnoldy, New Harbinger Publications (2023)
