Who is the Powerful Older Woman? 

This past weekend I watched the women’s final four college basketball games.  Young, powerful athletic bodies were on full display. As I became absorbed in the games, I bemoaned the loss of my once athletic body and physical prowess in general, until my thoughts turned to a different definition of power as it applies to the older woman.

Caitlin Clark, the record-setting star for Iowa, playing against U. of Conn., April 5. 2024

Aging brings a loss of physical strength, but, if we age consciously, we can grow into a powerful older woman where our power is measured by our compassion, self-acceptance, bravery, and resilience.

Among the powerful older women, I look up to are the brave women of Codepink, the women’s peace group that has been filling the halls of Congress, dogging its members, challenging their support of Israel in light of the mounting starvation being imposed on Gaza. Typically, Codepink’s confrontations leave Congressional reps. rushing towards an elevator or the men’s room.

Codepink founder Medea Benjamin, 70, surrounded by other Codepinkers in the halls of Congress

The powerful older woman has found her voice, not just in the political arena, but in her close relationships where she confidently speaks her truth and draws boundaries for self-protection.

I have a friend with a relative who treated her with verbal abuse for years, until she found the courage to speak up, telling him, “You will always be welcome in my house, but not your anger.  The next time you blow up at me, I will politely ask you to leave.”  As you can imagine, she was tested, but she held her ground and showed the abuser the door.  And that put an end to his outbursts.

A powerful older woman at peace after drawing her emotional boundaries

When I posted on the WOW Facebook page, asking members what qualities they considered to be the hallmarks of a powerful older woman, resilience was the most frequent response.

Aging brings big challenges, like divorce, job loss, serious health concerns and the death of a family member or close friend.  Not everyone has the resilience to bounce back from a setback, but those who do grow in self-confidence.  Sadly, I know several women, who after being widowed have been unable to move on. Years after the loss of their spouse, they are still grieving and isolating themselves in their homes.

Peggy Seeger, 88, is not only resilient, but joyful in her aging

The powerful older woman often has a spiritual belief system and/or a close circle of friends from which she draws strength during hard times.  She has learned that support and comfort is never a one-way street. She is there when others are hurting. She phones often, drops in for a visit or extends a dinner invitation.  The powerful older woman has a big heart.

Many of the powerful women I know have a great sense of humor.  No matter how bleak their circumstances might be, they can laugh at themselves.  Humor can magically transform a dark mood. These women embody self-acceptance and self-confidence.

Agnes Varda, the French film maker, at age 80, in playful mode

I love those powerful older women who, might not have a lot of money, but who prioritize beautiful surroundings.  They regularly buy fresh flowers, cultivate gorgeous gardens and prepare lovely meals, not just for others, but for themselves as well.

The powerful older woman accepts the inevitability of death, and carefully draws up her will, which often includes a Do Not Resuscitate order.  Some delight in planning their memorial services to reflect their personalities.  Confession:  I love polka-dots and have requested that everyone wear polka-dots to my service.

While the powerful older woman’s life isn’t without struggle, that doesn’t define it. She regards aging as a grand adventure and not something to dread.  She thrives on continual learning, on joining a social cause that moves her, and on quality time with loved ones.  She regards her challenges as an opportunity to grow in wisdom. She’s not hard to spot because she smiles frequently.

Writer Abagail Thomas, a powerful older woman, who projects wisdom and humor