Pat Taub
This past week a brouhaha emerged over 81-year-old Martha Stewart’s spin as a swimsuit model for Sports Illustrated. While some woman applauded her courage at donning a bathing suit at 81, the majority condemned holding up- Martha’s air-brushed, plastic surgery enhanced face as a model for older women.
Martha’s swimsuit turn highlights our culture’s obsession with looking young into our dotage. Martha, like plastic surgery devotee, 85-year-old Jane Fonda, sets an unrealistic image of aging.
I was reminded of a conversation with a professional photographer who observed, “Every time I photograph an older woman she says, “Make me look 20 years younger.” I incredulously responded, “Every time?” “Yes, every time,” he replied.
I frequently assume the role of street photographer, taking pictures of interesting older women who look their age, storing their images for my media library. I always ask for permission to photograph. Well over half the women I approach, stammer something like, “Not me, I’m too old,” or what’s worse, they don’t say anything but turn on their heels and rush away. I always shout after them, “I think you look wonderful,” hoping they take in my words.
One of my Portland photos, “The Purple Lady,” snapped at the Portland Farmer’s Market, 2018
I find it infuriating that I live in a culture so obsessed with youthful appearances, that leaves many older women feeling unattractive, even ashamed of their looks.
Lynn Segal, author of Our Time: the Pleasures and Perils of Aging, notes: “The biggest problem for many older women is ageism, rather than the process of aging itself.”
Author Lynn Segal exuding confidence and comfort with her age.
The pejorative image of the aging female is instilled in us at an early age. As children we learn from reading Snow White, that a woman’s aging face is repugnant when the evil stepmother plots to poisoning Snow White simply because she has a young, beautiful countenance. At Halloween the ugly, old witch is trotted out to scare little kids.
Lorraine Devon Wile, a columnist for the Guardian, has taken up the torch to embolden older women into accepting their changing physique. She writes:
Youthful beauty is one kind of beauty. There are other kinds: the beauty of grace, acceptance, and feeling at ease in your skin. The beauty of wisdom, life lived, experience gained.
Coeleen Kiebert, an acclaimed Santa Cruz ceramic artist, radiant at 90
Let’s celebrate the beauty of Charlotte Rampling, Judi Dench, or any older woman who hasn’t panicked by putting herself under a knife to carve away her familiar beloved and well-earned features to be replaced with the reptilian, repetitive faces of fear we see all around us these days.
Judi Dench at 85, full of fun and vitality
I live in Maine, the grayest state in the nation. I know women in their ‘80’s and ‘90’s with some of the most beautiful faces I’ve ever seen: faces luminous with the grace and serenity of the wisdom years. I find their faces so much more interesting than the often-expressionless faces of beautiful young woman.
Two remarkable Maine crones, Adelaide and Connie, beautiful in their dotage
Older women need a strategy for fighting back against a culture that works overtime to take away the dignity of aging. A good place to start is to affirm our older faces and bodies not just in self-talk but to one another. Compliment your friends and relatives on the wisdom that shines through their faces, projecting the accumulation of a life well lived.
Let’s be a positive role model for younger women, who are often terrified of aging. Let’s show them how to age with pride where our life experiences become far more important to who we are than what we look like.
In another passage from her book, Lynn Segal proclaims, “Attitude and humor are the strongest weapons in the armaments of aging.” I would add, a strong sisterhood of powerful, loving, wise women who will remind one another that we are each beautiful in our own individual ways.
Among the vibrant, beautiful older women I know
