Pat Taub
GUEST POST by MARY LOU SMITH*
When I was young, I would hear my elders say, “My circle of friends is getting smaller,” The words passed right over me, without listening or understanding. Now that I am eighty-three, I am in the midst of living those words. The recent death of my soulmate, friend, and “sister” Lucille, of fifty-three years, made me face the reality of my mortality.
The author and her close friend, Lucille
Our friendship blossomed in 1970, when Lucille’s daughter, Michelle, was in the same first grade class as my daughter, Cathy. The teacher, asked Cathy to help Michelle learn the routines and to be her friend. She said, “Your dads both teach at the university.” Lucille and I met because of our daughters. The rest is history.
Lucille and the author, 1986
It has become a three-generation friendship. Our daughters, and granddaughters are best friends and Lucille’s first great-grandchild, Maya Michelle will keep our love and friendship blooming for many years. My granddaughter Annie is marrying Michelle’s nephew, Evan, in August. “We are family!”
Lucille and I were complete opposites, yet we thrived together. I think we decided the only thing we liked the same was black coffee. Our friendship’s foundation was built on sharing our deep faith, compassion, love, loyalty, honesty and respect for each other. I have a smile on my face and joy in my heart and soul, thinking of all our wonderful memories over the last fifty-three years.
I am laughing as I write this…In our seventies, Lucille and I took the training to volunteer at Hospice of Southern Maine. One of the requirements was to take a TB test. We went to get our test and filled out all the forms. The nurse came out with a smile on her face and asked, “Are both of you pregnant?” I had accidentally checked “yes” and Lucille copied my application. We had tears in our eyes from laughing so hard.
At the luncheon after the funeral, Lucille’s grandchildren shared stories about their grandmother. Many years ago, when Borders was around, she parked her car horizontally instead of vertically and went into the store. When she returned to her car, a man was standing there and said, “Who would park their car that way?” She smiled and agreed with him and went back into the store until he left. Lucille could laugh at herself and find humor in her challenges.
Back to my mortality…Time is fleeting and the years and days fly by so quickly. There was a quote I heard when I was volunteering at Southern Maine Hospice, “IT IS ALWAYS TOO SOON, BEFORE IT TOO LATE!” They are words I try to live by in my daily journey of life.
How do I and others who are aging, survive these losses and changes all around us?
I wish I had a crystal ball to give us the answers. I can only speak for myself. I treasure my independence, try to face each challenge with objectivity and courage, treasure my family, friends, and faith in the Holy Spirit. As we all know, our lives can change in an instant and everything we held sacred is gone. I take life one second at a time!
“My circle of friends is getting smaller” and Lucille’s death is an indescribable loss for me. We will always be together in spirit and love
When I told a social worker at Gosnell House, the story of our friendship, she asked me if I knew the song by Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton, …” You Can’t Make Old Friends”
As Lucille’s daughter Lori said, you can’t make old friends because they turn into family.”
How we each face today is our choice.
I will be my “Best Lucille!” and live in gratitude, thanksgiving and HOPE!
Mary Lou Smith is submitting her first guest blog at 83. Since her divorce in 2005, Mary Lou has created a new and exciting life for herself; traveling to Sicily solo, sailing on Viking Cruises on the Danube, Bordeaux and the Caribbean, hot air balloon ride over Sedona, volunteering on a Navaho reservation in Arizona. She brought her love of reading and writing to her first graders for thirty years. Mary Lou has four grown children. She lives a full and independent life while facing the challenges of aging.
