Pat Taub
GUEST POST by JANE SESKIN
I was about to cross the street when I looked to the right and saw my friend riding toward me. I knew it was Ann from her distinctive red bicycle helmet. She pulled over to the curb. We caught up on personal news and the state of the world. I left the encounter smiling. She was an energetic woman in her late 60’s who’d just gotten engaged to a man she’d been dating for over a year. Joyful, excited, happy were her adjectives that day.
Seven months later she was dead from a heart attack.
I went to her Celebration of Life. Waited for a speaker to mention her red helmet, emblematic I thought of her daring adventurous path, as a sociologist and world traveler.
They noted she was smart, creative, kind and recounted examples of all. But when I left the chapel I was disappointed. The helmet, a symbol of power and strength to me… had been left out of the recital. I was troubled by its absence.
What, I thought, would be my legacy? How would I like to be remembered? What impressions to leave? As a solo ager who’s enjoyed power and control over her life, the act of creating my own eulogy seemed fitting. I walked around with the idea for a couple of days. Getting used to it. What did I want for my “after?” I’d be dead and wouldn’t know what was said. But… but it seemed important. This was a last action I could take on my behalf.
One afternoon later that month, when I felt full with words, I sat down to make the “List of Me.” What I liked, what I didn’t, who in essence I was, even with all the quirks. Must have sat for more than an hour, writing fast. Done. Felt both proud and empty.
Reread the list out loud for a couple of days, at different times. Sat down again. Made sentences where appropriate, where there had just been words or phrases. Finished. Let it rest. Read it again.Then sent it to the friend who would be my executor.
This “List of Me” became the poem: The Reading Script. I hope you will consider writing one for yourself.
THE READING SCRIPT
I’d like a eulogy rehearsal so I could edit my departure. Flowers of course, maybe memorial gift bags, finger food, black and white cookies, and please have someone play soulful jazz and break-your-heart blues.
Let a friend talk about my success writing Letters To The Editor, that I stood up for respectful, non-violent communication and wasn’t afraid to tell someone: “You’re not being kind.” I’d like to be sure the speaker’s mentioned blue was my favorite color and watching the ocean from a deck or balcony my favorite scene.
Say I was the queen of hotel upgrades, enjoyed singing show tunes, had a scrabble-players vocabulary, still bought and read books, sent Thank You notes, liked tall men, poetry and politics, worn jeans, sparkly jewelry, railroad travel, flea markets, theatre, people-watching, and yes, consistently won at roulette betting number 32. Tell them I had little tolerance for rudeness, bullying behavior and beets.
That I was impatient with slow walkers, grandiose talkers and those on the phone instead of in the world. Add on I never met a piece of bread I didn’t like, nor a DIY project I wouldn’t attempt. Note that I tried on a daily basis to stay conscious, compassionate and forgiving of myself and others.
Plan for someone to say I embraced both intensity and quietude and loved my work and my play and was gloriously, continuously surprised by the kindness of strangers and the generosity of friends. In closing, I’d like some tearful moments, much laughter, a pause for mindful meditation and for people to know I lived my life with enormous optimism and daily gratitude.
Jane Seskin is a social worker and writer. For 20 years she worked with survivors of sexual abuse and domestic violence at the Crime Victims Treatment Center in New York. She’s been a writer-in-residence at the Vermont Studio Center and Noepe Center for Literary Arts. She’s contributed to the Chicken Soup for the Soul Anthology: Get Out of Your Comfort Zone. Jane was nominated for a Pushcart Prize in 2022. Her latest book is the poetry collection Older Wiser Shorter.
