Pat Taub
GUEST POST by JANET WEIL
I’ve typed up many others’ documents in my time, but the single page printed in a strange reddish ink was a first for me: my father-in-law’s self-written obituary. This record of his life was too important to him to leave to others to put together.
Robert “Bob” Weil was a gentleman of the old school, and his obituary focused on his public life – education, military service, career, and civic involvement. Although Bob and I had been in each other’s lives for over 40 years, I learned things I’d never thought to ask about. I knew he was a Yalie, but I’d never known he was the editor of the Yale Daily News. His long career as a Nordstrom manager was familiar, but not that he’d received the top annual honor for an executive.
The author and her father-in-law, January 2020
I was well aware that he was deeply engaged in civic and political life, and even more impressed when I found out that four Oregon governors, including the first woman governor whose campaign he’d worked on, Betty Roberts, had appointed him to various commissions. I had to chuckle as I typed this line about his work on electoral campaigns: “Bob hated to lose and rarely did.”
Betty Roberts as majority leader in the Oregon House of Representatives, prior to being elected governor of Oregon.
Obituaries can be the only autobiographies of people too busy for, or uninterested in, writing up their lives. Since youth I’ve appreciated reading the obits, which are both personal profiles and invaluable documents of social history. They can enrich our understanding of a city, a generation, a historical period. In the ‘80s and ‘90s, I felt shattered by the flood of obituaries of those felled by AIDS, yet glad that a record of their too-brief lives was being made public.
In March 2003, I wept bitterly as I read the obituary of the first American – a red-haired naval officer – killed in the war for oil in Iraq. I wonder how much most women’s obituaries, written by family members, obscure their public achievements and overemphasize their domestic lives, something I think I succeeded in NOT doing when I wrote my mother’s obituary.
Only the self can ever know completely, from the inside, the truth about one’s own life – and what is the most meaningful public presentation of that life.
Though I wish that my father-in-law had included a paragraph about more private matters, such as his travels with his wife, and his interests in the arts and sports, I also recognize that he was of a generation that kept those details out of the newspaper. His life story is dignified, as he was.
Young adults in the 1940’s when the author’s father-in-law was a college student
Writing one’s own obituary means facing one’s life and death. This somewhat formal account is an opportunity for reflection, pride (in a good way), gratitude, awareness of the many periods and people of a lifetime.
A self-written obituary also saves a family member from what may be a difficult task when many other emotional and practical details need to be handled. It is the final writing assignment in the sense that the author will never read it in published form.
For guidance on writing your own obituary (also helpful if you are called on to write someone else’s), please see https://www.legacy.com/advice/how-to-write-your-own-obituary/.
And yes, I do plan to write my own obituary.
A retired ESL teacher and newly fired-up climate/eco activist, Janet Weil lives in Portland, Oregon with her husband. She enjoys spending time with her extended family, and in the great bookstores and libraries in the metro area. She shares political views and her photography on Twitter: @JanetRWeil.
