Pat Taub
Currently I’m vacationing in Key West, where I’m surrounded by young women, parading their toned stomachs in midriff tops. In response, I’m practicing positive self-talk to avoid falling prey to the cultural message that rejects the older woman’s body, which is no longer taut.
A typical older woman’s body that doesn’t conform to our youthful standards
Curious to learn how other older women feel about their bodies, I posted this question on the WOW Facebook page, “How do you relate to your aging body?”
While there were women openly unhappy with their bodies, I was pleasantly surprised to find that the majority in my poll have made peace with their aging bodies.
A woman at peace with her body (Photo by Jocelyn Lee)
Those with the greatest degree of comfort with their bodies were women who rallied from a life-threatening illness:
SANDY: I had a heart attack in 2007 and it was a huge wake-up call for me. I take care of myself as best I can. I take supplements, have regular checkups with my health care providers. I am active and keep a positive mindset. I am aging, but that’s completely out of my control. How it impacts my day-to-day living is within MY control.
ROSEANNE: Having serious medical problems for the past 20 years makes me the master of this battered being, but I must admit that my body gets back up and goes around the ice-skating ring again with grace.
A Spanish ad celebrating a variety of body shapes
Among the women unhappy with their bodies:
GAIL: Not at all happy . . . . I won’t even pretend to comprehend the loss of a lovely body to the ravages of aging. I don’t see it as well-earned battle scars or any kind of beauty.
VERONICA: I’m pissed off at it . . . not getting along.
Among the women who displayed a sense of humor with their older bodies:
SUSAN: I’d like a refund, please.
CHRISTINE: An adventure in Stoic philosophy
Numerous women employed a gratitude practice:
MARY: I’m honored it’s still working and appreciate what it can do. So, I try to take care of it best I can. I’m gentle with it when it tells me, “No.”
HELEN: With acceptance and amazement that we have got this far.
A woman happy with her body (The Guardian)
WENDY: I thank it for still being alive. I am older than my mother was when she died. My younger sister died 4 years ago today. In another 18 months, I will pass the age at which my brother died.
I also talked offline to women who are comfortable in their aging bodies, asking them how they arrived at this place:
A sister-in-law told me she refuses to be weighed at the doctor’s office. She maintains a healthy body without daily check-ins with a bathroom scale.
A friend who is content with her plump shape confessed that the only time she is uncomfortable with her body is when she hears the voice of her deceased mother telling her to lose weight. This friend playfully comments, “When this happens, I imagine my mother with duct tape over her mouth.”
Other women adopt a practice of positive self-talk.
They reframe wrinkles and sagging jowl lines as evidence of their wisdom years. This is reminiscent of the Crone, the old woman described in goddess literature. Crones were celebrated for the knowledge represented by their wrinkles. During this time young women actually looked forward to becoming crones!
A Contemporary Crone at peace with her wrinkles
If you’re unhappy with your weight, Kim Chernin, author of Obsession: Reflections on the Tyranny of Slenderness offers a radical perspective. Chernin suggests that our culture glorifies thinness because a large woman takes up a lot of space and carries a lot more authority than a woman whose shape is whittled down.
Going forward, let’s bombard one another with affirmations for our faces and bodies that brim with wisdom and the contours of lives well lived. Let’s drown out the voices of those cultural norms that demean and limits us. Let’s break this chain for younger women. We are the NEW older women. Hear us roar!
A page from a nude calendar of English women embracing their bodies
