Pat Taub
A professional photographer once told me, “Every time I photograph an older woman she says, “Make me look 20 years younger.” I incredulously responded, “Every time?” ‘Yes, every time,” he replied.
What a sorry state for aging women! How can we enjoy old age if we hate the faces that accompany it? I realize not every older woman falls into this category, but I’d put my savings on the line, that the vast majority of older woman are embarrassed by their aging faces and bodies.
An older woman’s longing to resemble her youthful self
I frequently play the role of street photographer, taking pictures of interesting older women that I store for my media library or post on the WOW Facebook page. I look for women dressed in a way that emphasizes their individuality: a dramatic hat, colorful scarfs or, in one case, purple hair. I always ask for permission to photograph. Well over half the women I approach, stammer something like, “Not me, I’m too old,” or what’s worse, they don’t say anything but turn on their heels and rush away. I shout after them, “I think you look wonderful,” hoping they take in my words.
A favorite street shot of a confident older woman who enjoys dressing in her own unique style.
The culture has done this dirty deed; a culture dominated by ageism where the obsession with youthful appearances makes the older woman feel unattractive, frequently ashamed of her looks.
As Lynne Segal, author of Out of Time: the Pleasures and Perils of Aging, notes: “The biggest problem for many older women is ageism, rather than the process of aging itself.”
Author, Lynne Segal exuding confidence and comfort with her age.
The pejorative image of the aging female is instilled in us at an early age. As children we learn from reading Snow White, that a woman’s aging face is repugnant when the evil stepmother plots to poisoning Snow White simply because she has a young, beautiful countenance. At Halloween the ugly, old witch is trotted out to scare little kids.
Our culture frequently associates old women with the ugly witch image
Lorraine Devon Wile, a columnist for the Guardian has taken up the torch to embolden older women into accepting their changing physique. She writes:
Youthful beauty is one kind of beauty. There are other kinds: the beauty of grace, acceptance, and feeling at ease in your skin. The beauty of wisdom, life lived, experience gained.
The beauty of Maggie Smith and Judi Dench, or any woman who hasn’t panicked, doesn’t resent her years, who hasn’t put herself under a knife to carve away her familiar beloved and well-earned features to be replaced with the reptilian, repetitive faces of fear we see all around us these days.
Judi Dench at 85 projects her sense of fun, which enlivens her face, making her beautiful
I live in Maine, the grayest state in the nation. I know women in their ‘80’s and ‘90’s with some of the most beautiful faces I’ve ever seen: faces luminous with the grace and serenity of the wisdom years. Their faces reveal humor, joy, sadness or anger, registered against a background of compassion, nonverbally communicating an acceptance of what life has handed them. Conversely when I notice a pretty young woman I see one dimensional beauty lacking the rich features of a seasoned life.
A 2016 photo of two of my favorite Maine women with beautiful soulful faces: Adelaide, then 92. and Connie, 82, who left us in 2018
We need a strategy for fighting back against a culture that works overtime to take away the dignity of aging for older women. A good place to start is to affirm our older faces and bodies not just in self-talk but to one another. Compliment your friends and relatives on the wisdom that shines through their faces, projecting the accumulation of a life well lived.
Let’s be a positive role model for younger women, who are often terrified of aging. Let’s show them how to age with pride where our life experiences become far more important to who we are than what we look like.
The recently deceased Toni Morrison, a woman who aged fiercely: what a magnificent face!
In another passage from her book, Lynne Segal proclaims, “Attitude and humor are the strongest weapons in the armaments of aging.” I would add, a strong sisterhood of powerful, loving, wise women who will remind us that we are each beautiful in our own individual ways.
