Pat Taub
GUEST POST by PAT BESSEY
Don’t wait! I have heard this before.
However, after the loss of my husband LeRoy Lowell in January, it takes on a whole new meaning. This was my third marriage, and we were together for thirty-two years. My first marriage was when I was fifteen, a sophomore in high school and expecting a baby. That marriage ended in divorce. I married again to have that marriage also end in divorce. I share this, as it relates to how I embraced self-care as a new widow.
At the age of seventy-seven I find myself alone for this first time. I am discovering a lot about myself and some of it is exciting, leading me into new territory. I am discovering that I have slacked off in the self-care department.
As I reflect over my life, my focus was always on the needs of my son and husband at the time. I learned to put my own needs at the bottom of the list. My job, as I understood it, was to support the ambitions of my partner, where I excelled.
With LeRoy it was different. We were aligned in our dreams and supported each other in attaining them. We both became Unity ministers. I was ordained in 1996 at the age of 52 and he was ordained in 1997 at the age of 55.
The author and her husband, 1992
We ministered together until he became sick in 2018. During that time, I continued to serve a ministry and be by his side through many hospitalizations. Again, my self-care didn’t get any attention. After he passed, I heard clearly “don’t wait”. This was a wakeup call for me.
The author and her husband, 2017
You have heard the adage. ‘We teach that which we need to learn.’ This past March I put together a year-long self-care program and promoted it within my circle of women. Two groups evolved from it. Now I must walk my talk by doing what I am asking others to do: practice self-care. The program I created is based on the book from author Cheryl Richardson, The Art of Extreme Self-Care.
Here are some of the practices I am working with:
Taking time off for myself and making my days off sacred. This isn’t easy for me. I often find myself letting the needs of others trump mine. I am aware of it now where before I wasn’t.
Author Wayne Muller says: “All life requires a rhythm of rest.” I am noticing that the more I take care of myself, the more I want to be around those that I love. I can see where in the past I took them for granted. This is changing for me now.
Spending time with close friends restores the author
I have a little oasis in my yard where I commune with nature. Nature restores my soul. Mary Davis says, “A walk in nature, walks my soul back home.” I love to have the windows open and hear the birds singing their delightful songs.
This quote by Eckhart Tolle speaks of the importance of making time to get out into nature:
“We depend on nature not only for our physical survival, but we also need nature to show us the way home, the way out of the prison of our own minds.”
My vision is to live at least another twenty years. The more I take care of myself mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and physically, improves my chances to reach my goal.
I remind myself this is a process, and, if I take one step each day to better self-care, I will be honoring the life I have been given.
Don’t wait! Time is of the essence.
Rev. Pat Bessey is excited every day to see where life will take her. She is the mother of a grown son, and the latest addition to the family is ZeRoy, a rescue cat. Her love for ministry is evident in the many ways she has served the Unity movement. Not only as the minister at Unity Center for Spiritual Growth, but also as the Ministry Consultant for Unity Worldwide Ministries Eastern Region. She has been a retreat leader for women’s groups, a speaker and presenter at national and international conferences. Her passion is seeing transformation in the lives of those she serves.
