Pat Taub
“I feel guilty because I have all this time at home and I’m not being productive.”
This is a common response I’ve been hearing from friends and seeing on Facebook postings. Enough! Let’s put an end to these harsh self-judgments.
The “productive” path right now is to give yourself time to adjust to the coronavirus’ mandated social isolation. Our world has been turned upside down.
Frustrated with not being productive is a common reaction to coronavirus
Most of us are feeling massively disoriented. What are we to do when all the ways we’ve socialized have been taken from us? It’s like a bad dream where one is searching for the exit but every path is blocked.
We can’t meet friends for coffee or for dinner at our favorite restaurants. We can’t go to the grocery store without feeling anxious that we’ll catch the virus. We can’t go to the movies or to a jazz club. We can’t go to the library or our favorite bookstore.
One of my favorite restaurant which could be off limits for months
We can’t visit our children and grandchildren and have no idea when we’ll be able to. We don’t know how to budget because we don’t have an end point to factor in, not knowing how long we’ll be in lockdown. Similarly the unknown future means we can’t plan a summer vacation, a wedding, or a family reunion.
Not knowing when we can be with our grandchildren can be agonizing
Coming to terms with this new world will take time. Being productive at this time is giving yourself permission to absorb these changes. Being productive right now might mean wandering around in your pj’s until you find a focus for the day. Even a tiny focus counts. It’s important not to give the virus the upper hand.
While you shouldn’t feel guilty about binging on Netflix, reading a trashy novel, or eating cookies for lunch, it’s critical to incorporate a little self-care into your days to avoid getting depressed. It’s OK to take baby steps to adjust to this new reality. Get outside and walk. Facetime a grandchild. Mail a card to a long distance friend.
Being “productive” means giving yourself time to absorb the new reality of COVID
Banish your internalized mother’s voice, which is harping that you sort out your messy closets or spring clean your kitchen. Besides, it will be awhile before you can invite anyone over, which means no white glove inspections on the horizon!
Take care of yourself the way you would a dear friend or relative. Buy flowers. Make your favorite comfort foods. Mine are roast chicken, my grandmother’s rice pudding and tuna melts.
Being productive involves small acts to lighten your day, like purchasing daffodils
Your time alone is a golden opportunity to expand your self-care repertoire towards a calmer self.
If you don’t already meditate, start with 5-10 minutes each day. Because movement helps with tension release, find a gentle online yoga or Pilates YouTube you can do a few days a week. Start a gratitude journal. Most of us have plenty to be grateful for: we have a roof over our heads and a decent supply of food. In many parts of our country lines for free food are setting records.
Long lines in Brooklyn of people waiting for free food
Self-care involves caring for others because compassion and kindness expand our hearts and keep us connected to our communities.
If you can afford to make donations, consider giving to groups helping the homeless, or to families who are short of cash to make rent payments. If you can sew, make masks. Sign on to local action groups who are pressing elected representatives to enact universal health care, a living wage and taxes on the Big Bad 1%. Organizing hasn’t stopped. It’s just moved to Zoom.
Giving back to community is both productive and soul-enhancing, like this woman sewing masks.
It’s OK to be dazed and confused. At the same time keep reminding yourself that eventually the stay at home orders will be lifted. Right now the most productive thing you can do is to open your heart to yourself and to others.
And now it’s time to change into my dinner pj’s.
