Pat Taub
This past weekend I traveled from my home in Portland, Maine to Oneonta, New York to attend the 90th birthday party of a dear friend I have known for 50 years.
The spirited invitation for Dave’s Birthday party
I wasn’t prepared for the time travel my visit set off. I kept bouncing around from the present to the past to the future and back again.
I met Dave, the birthday celebrant, when I lived in Oneonta as a young wife and mother. His family and mine became acquainted through the Unitarian Church. My ex-husband, now deceased, was one of Dave’s closest friends. I developed a close friendship with Dave’s wife, now in a nursing home with late-stage Alzheimer’s. Our children have maintained their childhood friendships, even as they are scatted across the country.
The modest home I lived in as a young wife and mother in Oneonta
Past memories were full of split emotions. Treasured memories of close friends exist side-by-side with images of a painful divorce spawned by my ex’s alcoholism and philandering. Thirty-five years ago, post-divorce, my young sons and I moved from Oneonta to Syracuse. My subsequent trips to Oneonta have been infrequent.
I was very much in the present at the party, warmed by seeing Dave, his children, close friends and the vast outpouring of love for him.
The party’s interior space where we lunched and listened to tributes to Dave
I was thrust into the future, contemplating my later years, as I reunited with old friends, many of whom I hadn’t seen in over 30 years. Their former youthful selves had been transformed into aged bodies, using canes for support, bearing lined faces often barely recognizable.
While I frequently reflect on my own death, being surrounded by so many elders, was a wake-up call to complete unfinished personal business, like clarifying my medical and spiritual wishes for my final days.
Toasts to Dave were followed by a tree planting ceremony in his honor on the grounds of Pine Lake, an environmental preserve of Hartwick College, secured by Dave when he was a Hartwick professor
Once I settled into the party and readjusted my emotional barometer, I was grateful for the many lessons offered at the celebration of Dave’s long life. Tributes flowed for his work as a dedicated environmentalist, activist and college professor. But what stood out as long-time friends and family members took the mike to share their memories of Dave, were the persistent references to his kindness and compassion.
Oneonta’s mayor with the plaque he presented to Dave, detailing his numerous contributions to the community
For many Dave was the kindest, funniest and most lovable person in their lives. He never hesitated to reach out to a neighbor, needing a ride, financial support or a shoulder to learn on. For the past five years, since his ex has been in memory care, Dave has visited Sue 2-3 times a week, unfazed by her difficulty recognizing him. He jokes lovingly about her confusion.
Dave’s playful humor was the source of much reminiscing: his Little Red Riding Hood Halloween costume of red boots, and a red cape; camping trips he led with Hartwick students, where the food budget was scaled back to allot for his bottle of Jack Daniel’s; numerous escapades he concocted with my ex and their third compatriot, Ray, now deceased.
Dave offers a valuable lesson for living a long, fulfilling life, where kindness, compassion and a strong commitment to social justice are central. His son, Peter, now a successful documentary film maker, shared his father’s lesson: ‘Never give up. Keep standing for what you believe in and taking actions towards that end.’
Peter Hutchison after delivering a testimonial to his father
As we were eating birthday cake, my sons remarked that Dave has been a role model for them as someone who enjoys life to the fullest, never letting adversity get him down.
I will always remember Dave with a twinkle in his eye and a fun-loving spirit, along with a deep concern for his neighbors, the environment and the world at large. For me, Dave is the perfect representation of a life well lived.
