Pat Taub
Older women are feeling powerful as they discover a voice they didn’t possess in their previous decades. They’re speaking up with a boldness and confidence unknown to their younger selves. Writer and blogger, 80 year-old Elaine Soloway has shed her passive aggressive self to take on verbal bullies. The popular Australian writer, Helen Garner describes no longer tolerating ageist treatment like accepting a seat in the back of a restaurant.
Elaine Soloway sporting the tattoo she chose in lieu of a face lift to mark her 80th birthday
Both Elaine and Helen surprised themselves when they first spoke up. Elaine wondered, “Did someone snatch my body and replace it with a volatile broad?”
For 71 year-old Helen her new voice surfaced when an airline attendant suggested she might have her airline confused. Without thinking, Helen retorted, “Do I look like someone who doesn’t know which airline they’re flying?”
Helen Garner in a thoughtful mode
Upon reflection Elaine attributes her brave new voice as “a gift of permission,” elaborating, “With my entry into my 80thyear . . . I could no longer abide that person in the mirror who was a mockery of the woman I had grown to become. . . The change to tough old broad hasn’t been deliberate; instead it’s a slow shift that has gradually become more comfortable each day.” Elaine notes that her new assertiveness is delivered calmly without a need to rage.
Lynne Segal the British author of Out of Time: The Pleasures and the Perils of Ageing” sheds further light on the brave voice of the older woman: “One of the great gifts of the later years is the possibility of authenticity where we lose our false selves . . . We have the potential to discover our true selves deep inside and at last to be able to tell the truth.”
The great poet and writer, Audre Lorde who offers inspiration for developing a brave voice
For me, at 75, the sense of time running out has contributed to my unwillingness to be muzzled when patronized. Recently I was with a 70 year-old friend at a popular breakfast spot when the twenty-something hostess greeted us, “Good Morning girls. How are you today girls?”
When previously I would have held my tongue, this time I couldn’t be silent. I thoughtfully answered, “We’re hardly girls. We’re women in our 70’s and want to be thought of as mature women.” The hostess smiled uncomfortably, showed us to our seats and rushed off. I can only hope she’ll be less condescending to the next older woman she escorts to her table. If not I was pleased that I spoke up for badass older women whose maturity has been hard-won.
Two badass older women who might recoil at being called “girls.”
Once an older woman finds her voice there’s no going back as she continues to speak up for her beliefs. Helen Garner is delighted with her new persona: “I never thought direct action would be so much fun.”
Reflecting on her new older woman voice, Helen attributes it in large measure to the freedom that accompanies being invisible in public spaces when a woman is no longer an object of “the erotic gaze.” Too often older women grow despondent at being invisible rather than seeing it as an opportunity to be authentic. In this light the assertive older woman is committing an act of rebellion, telling society, “Patronize and ignore me at your peril!”
One older woman’s response to being ignored, although a calm response is recommended over a defiant one.
Thinking about older women coming into their own reminds me of Gloria Steinem’s famous words, “Women may be the one group that grows more radical with age.” I’m giving it my all to be among this group. Let’s forge a peaceful army of badass older women full of outrage and wisdom who speak truth to power. Who would have thought aging could be exciting?
