Pat Taub
Several years ago when I grew weary of my unpartnered Valentine’s Days limited to red construction paper hearts from my grandchildren or Internet offers of bargain chocolates, I decided to make a ritual of doing something special for myself on Valentine’s Day so I wouldn’t feel left out.
Yours truly trying to come up with ideas for making my solo Valentine’s special
That first year I indulged in a longtime desire to own a piece of Tiffany jewelry, telling myself I could afford their least expensive item. Browsing through the Tiffany’s catalogue, I settled on a delicate necklace with a thin silver chain dangling a tiny amber stone. I ordered it along with a gift card that read, “To a most deserving woman.”
When I opened the signature Tiffany turquoise box with a white ribbon, I proudly donned my necklace and tacked the embossed gift card on the bulletin board next to my desk as a reminder to be playful when life gets too serious.
The famous Tiffany gif-wrapped box
On subsequent Valentines I’ve sent myself flowers with love notes to myself. Other times I’ve indulged in expensive foods like a small jar of caviar, French chocolates or a fancy pastry. My treats to myself weren’t always dependent on spending money. One snowy Valentine’s I hibernated with an absorbing mystery and binged on Netflix. Another year, feeling silly, I scattered small red hearts around the house.
I’ve gotten pretty good at honoring myself other times of the year, but I make sure Valentine’s Day becomes singular in the way I treat myself.
My mother, celebrating her 80th birthday; on Valentine’s I honor her love.
Since Valentine’s is about love, I try to make time to remind myself of the people in my life who loved me and whom I loved.
This practice might take the form of a meditation where I sit with a candle and thank those people whose love has left an indelible mark: my mother for her early lessons in compassion; teachers who saw something special in me when I doubted myself, former lovers who enriched my life; or students who expressed gratitude for my teaching.
Because my grandchildren’s love for me never fails to warm my heart, I might leaf through photos of them, where I recall fond memories of our times together.
Jane, 6 and Max, 5, during the summer they picked flowers for me.
I’ll never forget the summer my grandchildren visited me when I lived in the country. Jane was 6 and Max was 5. Jane, observing my love of flowers, commissioned her brother to assist her in filling juice glasses and coffee mugs with flowers from my garden. I was charmed but my pleasure was short-lived since they forget to add water to their arrangements!
This year my Valentines will include small donations to individuals in need, like money to the ACLU to support their work on behalf of migrant families or towards scholarships for girls in third world countries. Love is just as much about giving as receiving.
A loving Valentine’s gift might include a donation towards schooling for girls in third world countries.
My Valentine’s wish for my readers, whether you have a lover or not, is to find a way to love yourself anew. Practice loving yourself more deeply.
What goes around comes around. I believe the more we can feel good about who we are the more light we send to our surroundings. Maybe the ultimate Valentine is to spread our love in pursuit of canceling out the darkness that dominates today’s world.
