Pat Taub
The holiday season is upon us. Thanksgiving is next week, soon to be followed by Christmas and Hanukkah where images of happy extended families are portrayed in TV commercials and Hallmark specials. But if you’re among all those older women and men who live alone, who don’t have a family to celebrate with, or who recently lost a partner, the upcoming holiday season might fill you with dread.
The romanticized image of the happy family at Xmas has been perpetuated for decades
Take heart: it’s time to say goodbye to the holiday blues and be proactive in creating a meaningful solo holiday.
I speak from experience. With my family flung far and wide, I spent the last two Thanksgivings and Christmases alone. In 2020, Covid kept me from being with family. Last year, I was all set to fly to Chicago to spend Christmas with my eldest son’s family when the Omicron variant surfaced along with huge airport delays, prompting a last-minute decision to stay home.
I learned to appreciate Zoom family calls and to count my blessings. I have a warm, comfortable home, lots of good books and nearby restaurants. If you’re not familiar with dining alone, I urge you to embrace it. Small neighborhood restaurants can be welcoming. Put vanity aside, because no one pays much attention to the solo older diner, which should help you feel less conspicuous. That said, I like to dress up for myself when I eat out along.
No need to skim on holiday decor because you’re alone
Last Thanksgiving, I went to a matinee and ran into an acquaintance. We met up after the film and good humoredly toasted our status as Thanksgiving orphans. Don’t ever forget the power of humor to lighten your mood.
This year I will be spending Thanksgiving and Christmas with family. If you don’t have that option, here are some suggestions for beating back the “Home Alone” blues:
Lend a helping hand to those in need: If you have a car, offer rides to friends who may need a lift to buy gifts, groceries, or to attend a community concert.
Give to those in need: homeless shelters can always use warm clothing, like coats, hats, gloves, and socks.
Donated outerwear at a homeless shelter
Many communities have toy drives where you can donate toys for poor families who can’t afford toys for their kids.
Be a mini party giver by reaching out to neighbors in your apartment building or those in your neighborhood with whom you have a passing acquaintance and invite a few folks over for holiday cheer. You may have to stick your neck out to do this, but your loneliness won’t go away in and of itself. It requires some effort.
Invite Neighbors Over for Holiday Cheer to break out of your isolation
Rather than miss out on a holiday concert or play because you don’t have a companion, dress up and go alone. This could become a wonderful precedent for future solo holidays. The first time you attend an event alone can feel daunting, but after that it gets easier, and you experience a burst of self-confidence in having tackled something that felt intimidating.
Finally, don’t regard loneliness, or being alone, as a negative. As we age, the harsh reality is we will face more alone time than at other stages simply because close family members and friends die off or because mobility losses make it harder to get out. More reason to become adept at being alone.
Remember how Christmas enchanted you as a child? The magic of Christmas is not reserved for children. Put on your child’s cap. Stroll among the Christmas lights in your neighborhood and then treat yourself to a hot chocolate, or a chocolate martini, if you’re feeling ultra-sophisticated. If there’s a live performance of “A Christmas Carol” near you, go and bask in old time nostalgia.
View Christmas with your child’s eyes to add magic to your holiday
Continue in the holiday playful spirit by becoming a Secret Santa for someone you know who’s having a rough patch. Leave a small gift in her or his mailbox. Be your own Secret Santa by stocking your fridge with treats like champagne, an expensive cheese, or a holiday stollen.
Happy Holidays to Fabulous You!
