Pat Taub
If you live alone; if your family is scattered far and wide; if you recently lost a partner or spouse; if you can’t afford the plane fare to visit family or to enjoy a holiday escape, you may be feeling miserable and lonely, making you a prime candidate for the holiday blues. No one wants to feel left out, but wait a minute, let’s pause and get real.
Advertising inundates us with the notion that the only way to enjoy the holidays is in the company of a large extended family. To be alone or without family can make one feel like a failure. I’m here to say that I’ve experienced Christmases in large family gatherings and solo; both have their merits and drawbacks. I’ve been just as happy in the company of family as I’ve been crafting my own solo Christmas.
For decades Americans have been told that the only happy holiday is one with an extended family.
When I was a wife and young mother performing endless Christmas chores, I was exhausted for the whole month of December. More recently when I’ve spent Christmas with my older son’s family the high point was Christmas morning when mild hysteria accompanied our ripping through gifts. I’m tired of seeing Christmas reduced to spending money.
A few years ago when I was alone on Christmas I spent Christmas Eve sharing a Chinese dinner with a friend. The next day we met up for a movie. Walking home from the theater as the snow fell I relished in the serenity of my solo Christmas.
If spending Christmas alone, don’t skimp on decor. Make your place lovely for you.
Here are a few guidelines for beating back the holiday blues:
Avoid sinking into self-pity. Feeling lonely sucks, but it doesn’t have to defeat you. Become pro-active. If you don’t have a companion, muster the courage to attend a holiday event solo. Vow to enjoy your own company— dress up for yourself.
Volunteering has been proven to enhance one’s self esteem. It just plain feels good to give to those in need. Volunteer at a soup kitchen to help serve Christmas dinners. Gather warm clothing you can no longer use or buy mittens and hats at Goodwill and donate them to a homeless shelter.
A Christmass volunteer at a soup kitchen
Reach out to your neighbors and invite a few folks over for holiday cheer. You may have to stick your neck out to do this, but your loneliness won’t go away in and of itself. It requires some effort. Whenever I take a social risk like this I feel so much better. I think you will too.
To break out of your isolation invite neighbors over for eggnog.
Don’t regard loneliness as a negative. If you’re like me, you grew up with a mother whose favorite advice when I was feeling down, was “to stay busy.” Busyness can keep us from the important inner work we all need to do, especially as we age. We need to develop the capacity to be alone where we enjoy our own company and discover new inner strengths.
Remember how Christmas enchanted you as a child? The magic of Christmas is not reserved for children. Put on your child’s cap. Stroll among the Christmas lights in your community and then treat yourself to a hot chocolate with lots of whipped cream. A friend plans to revisit her inner child by seeing the new Disney film, “The Nutcracker and the Four Realms.”
View Christmas with your child’s eyes to add magic to your holiday
Enter into a playful spirit by becoming a Secret Santa for someone you know who’s having a rough patch; leave a small gift in her mailbox. Be your own Secret Santa by stocking your fridge with treats like champagne, an expensive cheese or a holiday stollen.
Write affirmations on small pieces of paper and post them on your mirrors to remind yourself that you are a remarkable person. Smile back at that amazing woman in the mirror.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO ALL!
