Pat Taub
GUEST POST by MARY LOU SMITH
I will be turning eighty-five in January. I work hard trying to admit, adjust, adapt, and accept what I can do. Easier said than done at times!
I am an independent, active, creative and compassionate woman who left a forty-three-year abusive marriage in 2005 at the age of sixty-five. I have never looked back. My soul was shattered and empty when I left on Sunday, August 21, 2005.
I took the time and work to resurrect myself from years of physical, emotional, psychological and financial abuse. I was shocked and surprised to learn that I had been a victim of domestic abuse and suffered from PTSD.
I had limited funds when I divorced. I purchased a 980 sq. ft. condo in Scarborough, Maine. I renovated and decorated it from scratch. My home became the “Shelter for My Soul.” I live with the mantra, “I will only let people into my heart or my home who love me unconditionally.”
Once I had my feet on the ground, my world opened up. I took myself on a tour of Sicily, My ex was derogatory about anything Italian. Being freed of him, I wanted to reclaim my heritage. My mother was born in Sicily.
Mary Lou enjoying herself in Sicily
I flew from Portland, Maine to Palermo, Sicily and joined a tour. I did great!
Since that trip I have visited friends in England; made sixteen solo trips to California to visit family; volunteered at a Navajo reservation in Tuba City, AZ and flew in a hot air balloon over Sedona. The list goes on… I used to say to friends, “Don’t ask me if you don’t mean it because I am going to say, “Yes.”
Mary Lou, volunteering at a Navajo reservation
During COVID, I kept active by walking outside every day. I wrote editorials about living with COVID. In one editorial, I wrote how difficult it must be for the elderly to get appointments for vaccines. I stopped and burst out laughing and said, “Mary Lou, you are elderly; you are eighty years old.” I managed well, but the isolation and not being with my friends and family took its toll on me. I was cautious and careful as I emerged from my isolation.
At around eighty-three, I began noticing my balance was changing. Finding safe and comfortable shoes was challenging. It was happening slowly and silently. I was still independent and active but not always able to walk as far as I used to. I asked my doctor to make a physical therapy referral. I wanted to be the best I could with what I was able to do.
I am actively involved with Finding Our Voices (findingourvoices.net), committed to breaking the silence of domestic abuse in Maine and supporting domestic abuse survivors. I feel privileged to be part of a Sisterhood of Survivors who understand and accept each other unconditionally. I feel validated and loved 24/7/365.
Mary Lou, on the right, in this poster for a talk on “Finding Our Voices”
As I reminisce, I have no regrets over the last twenty years.
BUT- I am changing. I used to love to entertain and cook for crowds of family and friends. Now it has become exhausting and overwhelming. I find it easier to have my family pick a restaurant they like and bring take-out…my treat!
While I used to love hopping on a plane and going anywhere, now, I have no desire to fly. I could do if I have to, but it’s become too frustrating. I am not interested in flights canceled, luggage lost and running through airports in a wheelchair.
I used to hear older people say, “All my friends are dying” and let it fly right over my head. Now, it’s me saying those words.
As an almost 85-year-old woman, every day is marked by adapting, adjusting and accepting to what is happening to me. While aging brings new challenges as the years mount, I still have a great sense of humor, which I rely on in a determination to live every moment to its fullest.
Mary Lou surrounded by family after being awarded Mainebiz Volunteer of the Year, April 2024
