Pat Taub
More and more older women are discovering a new voice: one that embraces a newfound freedom.
Sharon Blackie, author of Hagitude, contends that women tend to lose their inhibitions as they age. Aging often ushers in a new confidence. Many older women describe themselves as not the same person they were 20 or 30 years ago.
Sharon Blackie
Living through child-rearing, divorce, deaths of loved ones, career ups-and-downs, health problems and political upheavals can leave one stronger and more resilient, and with a new voice. A voice that is more assertive. A voice that has little patience for petty critiques or bigotry.
The older woman’s self-confidence allows for a pride in aging and the freedom from cultural pressures to deny her aging. While she follows a healthy lifestyle, she rejects a beauty routine of plastic surgery and intense workouts designed to make her appear younger. She ages with grace, accepting her wrinkles as evidence of her wisdom years.
Older women comfortable in their aging bodies
The freer older woman has little time for assuming the posture of the “nice” younger woman trying to please others. Now she speaks up, not disrespectfully, but with a new self-regard. When salesclerks or waitstaff address her as “young lady,” she reminds them she’s not young, and proud to be an older woman.
She speaks up in the company of family and friends and at work to defend her beliefs. She no longer suffers the consequences of burying her feelings. She doesn’t suffer the pangs of regret, She is willing to bear the consequences of speaking with integrity When her politics, like defending Gaza, leave her in the minority, she bears the outcome, unwilling to compromise her moral principles.
Older women using their voices to protest failed climate policies
Her new assertiveness doesn’t mean she has become indifferent, lacking compassion and kindness. In fact, she often has deeper emotions because she feels more authentic. She lends her voice to social causes, advises young people and reaches out to friends and neighbors when sick or down in the dumps.
The new older woman is among the ranks of notable older woman, like Jane Goodall and Francesca Albanese, the UN Special Rapporteur. Both women have been courageous in taking a moral stand for their beliefs. Goodall for chastising world leaders for failing to address our looming climate emergency. Francesca Albanese has taken on Western leaders for their complicity in the horrendous genocide in Gaza. As a consequence, she is frequently rebuked.
While there are times when the older woman’s new voice is received with mocking disrespect, there are plenty of times when she earns respect and even admiration for speaking her truth. This is often the case among younger woman, for whom she represents a role model for speaking out.
Incorporating her new voice doesn’t mean she’s free of slippages. When harshly criticized it can be tempting to slide back into apologies to keep the peace and to blunt criticism. When this happens, she remembers to be gentle with herself, recognizing she is a work in progress. She makes it a practice to review the situation for ways to respond differently in the future. She reaches out to her tribe of close friends for support and advice.
Reach out to supportive friends when struggling
To motivate herself when feeling unsure about speaking up, she thinks back to those times when she conquered uncertainty and spoke up. She remembers how proud she felt.
To hold her wise voice, front and center, she keeps a reminder of Eleanor Roosevelt’s advice: “Do one thing every day that scares you.”
