Pat Taub
Ageism is discrimination against elders because of their age, targeting women more than men.
Ageism is a ubiquitous force in a woman’s life, first surfacing in childhood when little girls listen to fairy tales about a mean old witch, personified in Snow White and Hansel and Gretel, setting the stage for a lifetime of disparaging older women.
The witch in Disney’s Snow White
In my mother’s generation, women didn’t fight aging the way they do now. While there were occasional longings for their youthful looks, they were fleeting. Today plastic surgery, once the province of celebrities, has become mainstream, reaching absurd levels where 20-year-olds line up for Botox to ward off future lines.
The inflated attention to looks is so central that even women who eschew this trend find themselves privately questioning their worth when facial lines stare back at them in their bathroom mirror. This is a dangerous trend. We’re at risk of losing a reference for natural aging, and an appreciation for the beautiful older face of women like the late Jane Goodall.
The aging woman’s face can be an obstacle at work, where her appearance might carry the implication she’s not as capable as a younger woman, creating self-doubts.
Socially, ageism creates doubt in the older woman who might not dress as fashionably as her younger counterparts. Single older women frequently find dating out of bounds because men their age tend to favor younger women.
Ageism abounds in patronizing language: “Sweetie,” and “Young lady.” In phrases, like, “You look good for your age,’ and “How many years young are you?”
Doctors often dismiss or minimize the health concerns of an older woman, treating her as exaggerating her concerns, or providing inferior care.
A doctor treating an elderly patient disrespectfully
Ageism can make the older woman feel inadequate when store clerks and waiters provide second-class treatment because her appearance doesn’t carry the currency of the younger woman.
In families an older woman might be dismissed because her physical changes are a nuisance. She moves slowly, might have trouble hearing, and not be quick to grasp the nuances of the internet.
A daughter frustrated with her mother for not being up-to-date
How to tackle ageism?
The challenge is far greater than simply raising awareness.
In the lives of middle aged and older women ageism is a daily occurrence. She might be passed over at a neighborhood meeting, when her raised hand is ignored in favor of a younger counterpart. When shopping, she might feel humiliated that younger styles don’t always suit her. Her hairdresser might suggest a new style “suitable for your more mature face.”
Many older women suffer in silence, isolating to avoid rejection, creating loneliness, which can escalate if the isolation becomes a pattern. With close friends there might be a tendency to laugh off or minimize her experiences, limiting the emotional support that is her due.
A lonely older woman, a casualty of ageism
I long to see networks for older women, supporting them in casting off ageism, freeing them for serious pursuits.
We need to reclaim the wise older woman, who has been a serious casualty of ageism. Why has ageism spiked in recent decades? Could the uptick be related to the cultural drive to erase feminism’s impact? By diminishing the older woman through ageism, her contributions to the established order are thwarted. Her wisdom years are under attack.
Fortunately, there are powerful examples of the wise older woman that offer inspiration: novelist, Margaret Atwood; civil rights activist, Angela Davis; novelist and peace activist, Arundhati Roy.
Margaret Atwood in a playful mood
Your years of living have given you a perspective denied the young. Own your wise face and your wise voice. in our unsettled times, wise women who speak up for peace and compassion might just save us.
This post is dedicated to Janet Shea, (July 14, 1935- October 12,2025) a gifted poet and dear, witty friend. She embodied light and life.
