Home Alone

If you live alone, if your family is scattered far and wide, if you recently lost a partner or spouse, if you can’t afford the plane fare to visit family or to enjoy a holiday escape, you may be feeling miserable and lonely, making you a prime candidate for the holiday blues.  No one wants to feel left out, but don’t fall prey to the advertising images that romanticize large family holidays.  Solo holidays can be just as meaningful when approached with imagination and a little courage.

The romanticized image of the happy family at Xmas has been perpetuated for decades

I’ve experienced Christmases in large family gatherings and solo. With a little practice, I’ve become just as content crafting my own solo Christmas as in the company of family.

As an older woman I’m luxuriating in being freed up from the endless holiday chores that marked my life as a young wife and mother when I spent most of December in a frenzy of baking, shopping, wrapping gifts, and entertaining. By the time Christmas morning rolled around I was exhausted.

A solo Xmas doesn’t mean you have to skimp on holiday decor

A few years ago, when I was alone for Christmas, I spent Christmas Eve sharing a Chinese dinner with a friend. The next day we met up for a movie.  Walking home from the theater as the snow fell, I relished in the serenity of my solo Christmas.

Here are a few guidelines for beating back the holiday blues:

Avoid sinking into self-pity. Feeling lonely can suck, but it doesn’t have to defeat you. Become pro-active.  If you don’t have a companion, muster the courage to attend a holiday event solo. Vow to enjoy your own company— dress up for yourself.

Content solo diner

Intimate neighborhood restaurants can be welcoming to the solo diner. If this is a new experience for you, enjoy the bonus of being an older woman who is relatively inconspicuous.  Folk singer, Peggy Seeger relishes in this freedom in her playful song, “Invisible Me.”

Volunteering has been proven to enhance one’s self esteem. It warms the heart to give to those in need.  Volunteer at a soup kitchen to help serve Christmas dinners. Gather warm clothing you can no longer use or buy mittens and hats at Goodwill and donate them to a homeless shelter.

Volunteer at a Soup Kitchen

If you have a car, offer rides to friends who may need a lift to buy gifts, groceries, or to attend a community concert.

Reach out to your neighbors and invite a few folks over for holiday cheer.  You may have to stick your neck out to do this, but your loneliness won’t go away in and of itself.  It requires some effort.  Whenever I take a social risk, my self-esteem gets a boost.

Invite Neighbors Over for Holiday Cheer

Remember how Christmas enchanted you as a child?  The magic of Christmas is not reserved for children. Put on your child’s cap.  Stroll among the Christmas lights in your community and then treat yourself to a hot chocolate or a chocolate martini. If there’s a live performance of “A Christmas Carol” near you, go and bask in old time nostalgia.

View Christmas with your child’s eyes to add magic to your holiday

Continue in the holiday spirit by becoming a Secret Santa for someone you know who’s having a rough patch. Leave a small gift in her mailbox.  Be your own Secret Santa by stocking your fridge with treats like champagne, an expensive cheese or a holiday stollen.

Express gratitude for your comfortable lifestyle when so many in war-ravaged countries, like Gaza, Lebanon, Syria and the Ukraine will be focused on staying alive and providing food and shelter for their families.

Practicing gratitude