Pat Taub
I’m seeing a new boldness among older women who are talking back when ageist behavior is directed at them. These women are standing up for themselves and for all of us when they challenge a culture that demeans the older woman.
Allow me to introduce some of these badass women:
Rachel, age 69, is a frequent traveler who at just 5’ struggles getting her suitcase into the overhead bin. On a recent trip once again she found herself groaning to squeeze her bag into the bin. She noticed a male airline attendant watching her without offering to help. When a young attractive woman across the aisle started to lift her bag into the bin, the attendant rushed forward, taking her bag and placing it into the bin for her.
Rachel, incensed, turned to the attendant and said, “She gets immediate help because she’s young and beautiful while you see me struggling but ignore me because I’m old.” The attendant was speechless, but Rachel felt vindicated.
A woman feeling powerful after taking on ageist behavior
Two friends, Susan and Claire walk into a restaurant and are greeted by the very young hostess, “How are you girls tonight?” Looking directly at the hostess Susan replies, “We’re fine but we’re not ‘girls.’ We’re older women.” The hostess escorts them to a seat, abruptly taking her leave without commenting.
Two friends, clearly not “girls,” enjoying their restaurant meal
Alice, sitting across from her new optometrist who looks down at her chart, commenting, “So you’re 75 years young,” to which Alice answers, “I am 75, but I’m not young. I have earned my 75 years and am proud of my age.” Again an awkward silence follows.
Cathy, a very attractive woman with grey hair and lines appropriate to her 72 years is told by a young woman she meets at a party, “I bet you were really attractive when you were younger.” Cathy asks, “Why can’t I still be attractive? Why does there have to be a expiration date on a women’s looks?”
An older woman coming to terms with her changing looks, owning the beauty of the mature face.
A personal example with my teenage granddaughter scrutinizing my closet, “Nana don’t ever wear that dress. It will make you look old.” My response, “But I’m already old.” Granddaughter, “You’re not that old.”
Theresa asks the grocery store clerk for help to which he replies, “Just a minute young lady.” Theresa, “I’m not a young lady, and I’m fine with that.” Clerk, “Whoa, I was just trying to compliment you. You don’t look old.”
Margaret is often told, “You look young for your age,” to which she has a standard response, “I’m 60 and believe it or not I want to look my age. I don’t need to look like an age I’m not.”
A friend who owns her age with gusto
Brenda, announcing to her friends that she’s going to stop coloring her hair and let the grey grow in, meets a chorus of, “But then you’ll look old!” Brenda: “I am old and I’m sick of trying to be younger than I am.”
Ann, a widow, is told by her daughter, “Mom, you should get Botox to eliminate your wrinkles otherwise you’ll never meet a man who wants to date you.” Ann: “My wrinkles are me. If a man can’t accept me the way I am, he’s not right for me.”
Two women who have aged gracefully with wrinkles intact
My examples illustrate that it’s not just men who are guilty of ageist behavior towards older women, but women as well. We’ve all been conditioned to see older women as past their prime and in need of fixing to appear younger to gain acceptance in our ageist/sexist society.
If we speak up when treated in demeaning ways, we can change the culture. Be your authentic self, liberated from working to appear younger than you are. Stand proudly as a woman of wisdom whose wrinkles are hard earned. To quote Bette Davis, “Old age ain’t no place for sissies.” Don’t be a sissy.
