Pat Taub
Even though I’m in my 8th decade, most days I feel youngish, energetic and in step with the world, old, but not really old. This past week my self-image was radically challenged when a few random encounters forced me to recognize that I am often seen as a little old lady–a likely stereotype given my short stature and thin frame.
Two “little old ladies” who have made peace with their aging
At a medical clinic one of the aides rushed to hold the door for me, explaining, “This is a very heavy door.” At Trader Joe’s, as I was rolling my emptied shopping cart to the appropriate area, a young woman approached me and said, “Can I take that cart off your hands? I’m moving my cart as well.”
I’m grateful for the kindness of strangers but when these acts were motivated by the perception that I’m a little old lady who needs assistance, I felt mildly depressed, wondering, “How did I become this old so fast?”
A woman coming to terms with the fact she’s no longer young.
In church on Sunday I was still ruminating over my unwelcomed awareness when I got into a conversation with a gentle, retired minister, all of 91. When he asked me if something was troubling me. I confessed, “This week I officially became a little old lady.” He smiled, replying, in a comforting tone, “I know. It seems so sudden. One day you’re young and the next day you’re old.”
I asked him how he adapted to being definitely old; he laughed and said, “It’s better than the alternative.”
Betty Friedan , founder of NOW (National Organization for Women) accepted her aging with gusto.
I feel like I’m at a crossroads. I can bemoan being viewed as old or I can move on and embrace the years I have left. This is the same advice I’ve offered in one form or another in these WOW blogs, but when I’m nudged to see myself in a new light, it’s a different story. Resistance kicks in.
Why have I deluded myself that I’m old and not just kinda old when there are ample signs that I’m in my dotage? My daily afternoon naps are a necessity otherwise I would nod off in public. I don’t drive at night because I have cataracts, which cause me to see double sets of headlights in the approaching cars. I can barely lift much of anything due to an arthritic shoulder.
I’ve joined the ranks of older women who cherish afternoon naps
I’ve arrived at that stage where the private signs of aging can’t be so easily minimized because the outside world gently insists that I’m a little old lady.
I asked my Inner Wise Woman for help living positively as a you-know-what. Here’s what she had to say, “In spite of your arthritis, you’re managing well, thanks to Pilates and an upbeat attitude. Additionally you’ve learned to cherish the solitude brought on by diminished energy for socializing.” I reminded her that I’ve become comfortable turning down invitations that fail to inspire.
A perk of aging is to enjoy alone time on my terms
My Inner Wise Women took me to task, “Buckle up, your life will become even more challenging in your next decade. Accept it’s changing patterns or your struggle will only intensity as time goes on.”
She reminded me of the advice I often dish out, reprimanding me for not taking it to heart in my own life: to make a gratitude practice central to my life; to engage in positive self-talk, emphasizing my strengths; and to make a list of the pluses brought on by aging.
I nodded, whispering to myself, when all else fails, “There’s always chocolate, an afternoon matinee, and what one friend calls a ‘nightgown day,’ or a day in bed resting up for the next challenge.
The benefits of practicing gratitude
