Pat Taub
Aging can be so challenging for the older woman that it’s a wonder any of us enjoy a happy old age, but it’s within reach provided we adjust our mind set. We all can benefit from strategies to overcome the cultural negatives that box us in.
It’s only natural to indulge in thinking about good times in the past. But romancing the past can be problematic when it becomes obsessive and obscures the reality of past events, while preventing you from enjoying the present moment.
Romancing the past can prevent you from enjoying the present moment
I have a friend who was a great beauty and still is at 75 but she constantly reminisces about her younger days when she turned heads. She forgets that this time in her life was marked by a nasty divorce.
For a long time I found myself in the romancing-the-past-trap as I lingered over memories of the tight couple network my ex-husband and I enjoyed in our ‘30’s. I had forgotten that my ex was frequently drunk and embarrassing at dinner parties. I was in a past life bubble.
Don’t let lively past memories cloud the reality of those times
A trap for the older single woman is to isolate herself feeling like she’ll be labeled a loser if she dines alone or takes in a movie solo. It takes courage to do things alone but as one friend said, “I refuse to have a lousy social life just because I’m 68 and live alone.”
It’s not easy to face the world solo but if approached in baby steps it’s doable. As a first step go to a coffeehouse alone and then work up to lunch alone and eventually dinner alone at a friendly neighborhood restaurant where you bring a book and walk in confidently even if you’re feeling awkward—acting on the old advice, “Fake it til you make it.”
An older woman enjoying her own company
Adjusting to physical changes in a huge challenge, but it’s far better to accept them as a part of aging rather than curse at your arthritic knee or bouts of insomnia. It’s all about perspective. I’ve been very moved by the blog, “Time Goes By,” written by Ronni Bennett who chronicles her dying while sharing favorite books and music she currently enjoys. If Bennett can embrace life fully knowing she has a very limited time left, we all can.
Ronni Bennett, author of the blog “Time Goes By,” pictured with her hair growing back after chemo
Diana Athill, the British writer who died this past January at 98 refused to engage in negative thinking. When her life closed in on her rather than being depressed, she used her imagination to keep her spirits high.
In her memoir, Somewhere Towards the End, Athill relates how fond memories enriched her solitude. She loved gardening but rather than lament the fact she could no longer work in the garden she writes, “I can still see flowers in my mind’s eye.” When she had trouble sleeping she confessed to “counting old lovers rather than sheep.”
Diana Athill luxuriating in her solitude
To keep yourself on track in the positive aging department make a gratitude list of what you value about your current life.
You might decide you like being freed up from childcare or a bad relationship, or discovering that you have more patience than when you were younger. Gratitude can be magical in awakening us to the positives we often take for granted.
I know older women who say they feel like their best selves because they are more self-aware and more at peace with themselves. This mind set is within reach for all of us. It’s not easy to change your thinking, but consider the alternative . . .
The benefits of practicing gratitude
