Pat Taub
If you need inspiration and reassurance that old age is still a dynamic time and not a passage to be feared, then grab Diana Athill’s two memoirs. The first, Somewhere Towards the End, was written when she was 89. Her memoir, Alive, Alive Oh! was published when Athill was 98, three years before her death at 101 when she was working on yet another memoir.
Athill’s memoirs describe a no nonsense approach to aging, where she takes in stride the aches and pains, the losses of family and friends and her late-in-life move into a retirement home. She nonchalantly reflects: “Whatever happens I will get through it somehow, so why fuss?”
Athill frequently refers to her life as one where she was “lucky.” While luck might play a part in her good fortunes, I think the real credit goes to her generous spirit which refused to wallow in broken love affairs; her late life pregnancy which ended in a miscarriage that nearly killed her; and frequent economic hard times.
Diana Athill wrote up till the end of her life; pictured here in her late ’90’s
She seems remarkably free of regrets, expressing gratitude for what she has learned from her disappointments. She is particularly generous to former lovers, often referring to them as men who ‘taught her a lot’ about life.
Athill is resourceful when it comes to adapting to old age’s infirmities. Describing her love of gardening, which she is no longer physically up to, she writes, “I can still see the flowers in my mind’s eye.” Similarly she draws on her rich memory bank, when she has trouble sleeping, confessing to counting old lovers, rather than sheep.
Diana Athill luxuriating in her solitude
For Athill, long periods of sitting brought on by periods of confinement could be mined for recalling favorite paintings and favorite cities. Another octogenarian British writer, Penelope Lively, correspondingly describes using her imagination to revisit places she can no longer travel to.
I love Athill’s talent for finding humor in aging: “One good thing about being physically incapable of doing almost anything is that if you manage to do even a little something, you feel great.”
Diana Athill’s sense of humor was her trademark
Athill is refreshingly honest. She doesn’t try to sugarcoat her close relationships, confessing that she was not particularly attentive when her mother was ill and dying, but the deathbed scene between mother and daughter is evidence of their bond, while revealing her mother’s love of life, reminiscent of Athill herself. Her mother’s last words were: “It was absolutely divine,” referring to a newly planted Eucalyptus tree in her garden.
Diana Athill looks back on her life as a happy one, attributable to two practices: “avoid romanticism and abhor possessiveness.”
Not being too attached to her possessions eased her adjustment into life in a retirement home. While she admits to an initial difficulty downsizing her library to 300 books to fit into one room, she concludes, that in the end she felt liberated shedding her books and other possessions.
Athill offering a book reading a few years before her death
In an interview with The Guardian when she was 100, she mused, “I’m more confident now. That’s one of the great advantages of getting older – one does grow out of minding what other people think of you.”
In the same interview she passed along words to live by: I’ve been able to have a very relaxed philosophy, which is enjoy yourself as much as you can without doing any damage to other people.”
May you all awaken your inner Diana Athill and make your later years resplendent with humor and new adventures, even if they’re limited to your immediate surroundings.
