Pat Taub
Truth-telling time: I don’t always follow (some days barely at all) the COVID coping suggestions I’ve offered in recent WOW blogs. When this happens it’s because pandemic anxiety gets the upper hand, casting me into an irrational mind set.
Here’s a sampling from this past weekend when I fell off the wagon, or when my anxiety had the upper hand:
I was curled up on my sofa with Hilary Mantel’s new novel, The Mirror and The Light, her third book about Thomas Cromwell. Cocooned in a cashmere throw I got on sale at TJ Maxx, I anticipated a stress-free afternoon, when suddenly I remembered the Black Plague. Horrors, I thought, will Cromwell succumb to the Plague? If so, should I continue reading? I quickly googled the Black Plague, learning it occurred in the 14th century when Cornwell lived in the 1500’s. I breathed a sigh of relief and went back to my book. I may not have the physical symptoms of the virus, but it’s attacking my brain.
I try to walk everyday because it genuinely relaxes me. On my walks I routinely pass a neighborhood hospital, which recently installed a large tent in their parking lot for coronavirus testing. I asked a doc who was milling around outside the tent, if they had enough tests. He said they did for the moment. My irrational mind pictured me being tested, found positive and instantly rushed into a secluded hospital ward.
My neighborhood hospital with its newly installed tent for COVID testing
Deciding a little luxury would calm my spirits, I went online and ordered a set of high-thread-count sheets in a serene pink color. My color choice reflected a longing to wake up in the pink of things, but what if I don’t wake up blissful after a night’s sleep on fancy pink sheets? Can I get a refund?
Dreamy pink sheets similar to what I ordered sans the regal headboard
After hearing of a Russian leader who downplayed COVID with the advice to “drink vodka and use the sauna,” I panicked that my wine supply would run out, and promptly joined an online wine club that makes home deliveries.
Imagining how my wine shipment will be consumed during my lockdown, cartoon by Roz Chast
Not wanting to lose credibility with my readers, rest assured that I didn’t entirely fall off the wagon this weekend. Here’s what I got right:
I seriously limited my news intake, only allowing myself an hour (or a little more) of checking my favorite lefty blogs. I balanced my serious online news with hilarious YouTube’s, like those from Randy Rainbow and comedian J-L Cauvin, a brilliant Trump impersonator. I upped my humor intake further by delving into my battered copy of The New Yorker humor anthology, Fierce Pajamas.
Randy Rainbow, the brilliant satirist, who frequently targets Trump
I took stock of my gratitude list and happily noticed it’s growing almost daily. Younger friends keep calling to offer to bring provisions, not wanting me to risk exposure at the grocery store. My grandson Face-Timed me with a cello concert, not once, but twice! Friends I haven’t been in touch with for ages are contacting me. On a lighter note, I’m grateful that I stopped dying my hair because now I don’t have to worry when my hair salon will re-open.
Grandson, Max, 15 during his Face Time cello concert
My spiritual practices have deepened. I pray more, even though I’m never sure who’s listening. I pray not just for my own welfare, but for family and friends and for all the courageous medical workers worldwide. I’ve been more consistent with relaxed breathing exercises and short meditations breaks.
The challenge remains to keep my crazy brain at bay to free up space for healthy coping mechanisms. Some days are easier than others, but being aware goes a long way. I’m learning to accept my crazy side rather than fighting it. After all it’s responsible for my anticipated shipments of luxury sheets and wine.
Anticipating the day when my happy Buddha nature is more dominant
