Pat Taub
I’m seeing a new boldness among older women who are speaking out when ageist behavior is directed at them. These women are standing up for themselves and for all of us, when they challenge a culture that demeans them.
Meet some of these badass women:
Rachel, age 69, is a frequent traveler who at just 5’ struggles getting her suitcase into the overhead bin. On a recent trip, when groaning to squeeze her bag into the bin, she noticed a male airline attendant watching her without offering to help. When a young attractive woman across the aisle started to lift her bag into the bin, the attendant rushed forward, taking her bag and placing it into the bin for her.
Rachel, incensed, turned to the attendant and said, “She gets immediate help because she’s young and beautiful while you see me struggling, but ignore me because I’m old.” The attendant was speechless, but Rachel felt vindicated.
Betty Friedan in her later years. As the founder of NOW (National Organization for Women), she was a badass older woman.
Two friends, Susan and Claire walk into a restaurant and are greeted by the hostess, “How are you girls tonight?” Annoyed Susan replies, “We’re fine but we’re not ‘girls.’ We’re older women.” The hostess escorts them to a seat, abruptly taking her leave without commenting.
Two friends, clearly not “girls,” enjoying their restaurant meal
Alice, sitting across from her new optometrist, who looks down at her chart, commenting, “So you’re 75 years young,” to which Alice answers, “I am 75, but I’m not young. I have earned my 75 years and am proud of my age.” Again an awkward silence follows.
Cathy, a very attractive woman with grey hair and lines appropriate to her 65 years is told by a woman she meets at a party, “I bet you were really attractive when you were younger.” Cathy asks, “Why can’t I still be attractive? Why does there have to be a expiration date for a women’s looks?”
An older women coming to terms with her changing appearance, owing the beauty of her mature face.
A personal example with my teenage granddaughter scrutinizing my closet, “Nana, don’t ever wear that dress. It will make you look old.” My response, “But I’m already old.” Granddaughter, “You’re not that old.”
Theresa asks the grocery store clerk for help to which he replies, “Just a minute young lady.” Theresa, “I’m not a young lady, and I’m fine with that.” Clerk, “Whoa, I was just trying to compliment you. You don’t look old.”
Margaret is often told, “You look young for your age,” to which she has a standard response, “I’m almost 70 and believe it or not I want to look my age. I don’t need to look like an age I’m not.”
A friend who owns her age with gusto.
Brenda, announcing to her friends that she’s going to stop coloring her hair and let the grey grow in, meets a chorus of, “But then you’ll look old!” Brenda: “I am old and I’m sick of trying to be younger than I am.”
Ann, a widow, is told by her daughter, “Mom, you should get Botox to eliminate your wrinkles otherwise you’ll never meet a man who wants to date you.” Ann: “My wrinkles are me. If a man can’t accept me the way I am, he’s not right for me.”
Two friends who have aged gracefully with wrinkles intact
My examples illustrate that it’s not just men who are guilty of ageist behavior towards older women, but many women as well, having internalized the cultural value that the woman who looks old is unacceptable.
If we speak up when we are treated in demeaning ways, we can change the culture. Be your authentic self, liberated from working to appear younger than you are. Stand proudly as a woman of wisdom whose wrinkles are hard earned. To quote Bette Davis, “Old age isn’t for sissies.” Don’t be a sissy. Be a Badass Older Woman.
