If you live alone, if your family is scattered far and wide, if you recently lost a partner or spouse, if you can’t afford the plane...
Death and Dying
Facing My Fears of Death
About seven months ago my beloved younger brother phoned to inform me he had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. He assured me he was accepting of his diagnosis, adding that he and his wife had applied for companion-assisted suicide at the point when his memory loss makes it difficult for him to function. Once I got over the shock of my brother’s [...]
Pat Taub
Thinking About Death
While I’m an elder, I hadn’t given a lot of thought to dying, that is until my brother, who’s 20 months younger, announced in a recent late-night phone call that he had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. (To preserve my brother’s privacy, I’ll refer to him as “G.”) G calmly described his intentions not to live in an advanced [...]
Pat Taub
The Gift of Grief
GUEST POST by JACOB WATSON At first and for many months after my wife died, I felt brutalized. Grief is brutal, a word I used often when my grief was fresh. Then slowly, way too slowly for inpatient me, a transformation began to happen. I remembered a class I took in my doctoral program taught by Clarissa Pinkola Estés, the feminist author [...]
Pat Taub
Making Dying Less Scary
When I mentioned to a friend that I was reading Katy Butler’s new book, The Art of Dying Well, her response was: “That sounds grim.” Another friend was similarly put-off, saying, “I never think about death. It’s too depressing.” After finishing Butler’s book, I felt anything but depressed. I felt empowered, realizing I have [...]
Pat Taub
How to Support One Who’s Grieving
“Grief is the price you pay for love.” Amy Bloom For a long time, as hard as I tried, I was awkward and uncomfortable in my attempts to comfort the newly grief-stricken. When a close friend or relative was hit with a death, I fulfilled my moral obligation to make contact, but no matter how often I reached out to someone who was grieving, [...]
Pat Taub
Lessons On How to Die
When I mentioned to a friend that I was reading Katy Butler’s new book, The Art of Dying Well, her response was: “That sounds grim.” Another friend was similarly put-off, saying, “I try not to think about death. It’s too depressing.” After finishing Butler’s book I felt anything but depressed. I felt empowered [...]
Pat Taub
Witnessing Death
GUEST POST BY MARGIE MARTIN CAMPBELL I first encountered death when I was three. I watched my beloved Grandpa (Dad’s father) restlessly walking the floor, then sitting on the couch only to return to his pacing. I had noticed he hadn’t eaten, so I suggested to Mom that she fix him something. I wondered why she had such a strange look on [...]
Pat Taub
Crafting Healing Stories to Shed Anger
One of the most valuable lessons aging has bestowed on me is the importance of shedding anger. The less anger I hold the more inner peace I possess. I’ve learned to release a lot of my anger by imagining myself inhabiting the lives of those who have hurt me, resulting in a new story where I experience compassion towards the other. This [...]
Pat Taub
Death Doulas: Making Death Easier
No one wants to die, but what if there was a way to soften death, to make it less scary, to minimize regrets, and to make meaningful goodbyes? Enter death doulas, women and men trained to administer spiritual and practical support for the dying and their families. While many folk traditions and cultures have ceremonies to usher the dying into [...]
Pat Taub
14 Principles for Thoughtful Aging
After blogging about aging for over two years now I challenged myself to come up with guidelines for thoughtful aging. I’ve distilled into 14 principles what I’ve learned from life experience, reading, talking with close friends and interviews with wise women. Embrace Your Failures During the 1970’s when I was studying family therapy, [...]
Pat Taub